Sometimes when it's doing really well, I abhor the hectic-ness and totally dread the workload and never seem to be contented with the money.

When it's not doing so well, I fret and fret over what I'm doing wrong.

I guess it doesn't help that I handle stress terribly and am probably the most disorganized person you will ever come across, but I dare say I perform the best at last minutes.

Have constantly been toying with the idea of getting a model recently, ruts always takes meaning out of things for me no matter how much I loved it in the first place.

Would love to have the girl everybody's been seeing on blogshops lately T, she's so pretty and has such an ang moh vibe can !

Plus these other girls would fit into the clothes so much better and I would save myself the agony of having to scrutinize and nitpick at the photos every week.

But sadly, I'm damn stingy when it comes to money belonging to the business (unlike myself, who I dare say is generous to a fault, hahahahahahhaaha okay, or not), and who am I kidding, I love being in front of the camera !!

Haha, that is. Until I step in front of it.

Shooting's not the most easy thing in the world, especially when you have to lug the stuff around every single week, and when sales depends on it.

It's so hard to separate ourselves from problems at times- or maybe that's just for me. Hate being excessively paranoid, feels like I'm mental on some days.

I guess being forgetful and so easily distracted's a good factor to have to follow paranoia cause I never have to worry too long about any certain thing. Lol. 1 hour max. Haha !

Oh ya ! Which brings me to theother day at the airport returning from Penang- I ended up drinking somebody's else's bottled water (I have no idea how that happened, HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO CARELESS?????). I fear such things the most, it's kind of crazy but my mind will like end up going into these frenzies and concoct the craziest ideas.

My Dad even had the cheek to joke that he saw that it was an Indian man who sat on the table before us so the water probably belonged to him.

Okay, I just realized that that must sound totally racist but that's NOT THE POINT !! Or maybe it is. No no no. Lol. I would have been as paranoid had he mentioned any other race, or. Okay. Just take it from a humorous standpoint okay. My Dad was trying to be funny. You know how Indian jokes are always funnier.

Lol. Now that. Doesn't sound racist at all.

Anyway, the point is !! I worried about drinking that water for like an entire hour from before entering the gates to boarding the plane, what the !!

Will keep reminding myself of the line the boy brought up to me some time ago, I swear it really helps.

Since I'm a pretty logical and sensible person la dee da (or as I'd like to think), a line like this halts my thoughts from falling into an endless abyss of needless worrying- that is, if I am sane enough at that moment to even recall it.

And I just remembered something so, digressing- when I was really young, someone, probably my mom told me God says you can't swear, so I never did and never asked people to swear.

Like you know, go, you sure?? You swear !! Swear first !

Come to think of it, I must have gotten it wrong right? The swear here probably meant like in vulgarities.

Hmmmmm, gotta remember to check with someone about that.