Hey guys !
Created this space years and years ago thus do forgive
me if it comes off as extremely cheesy. And the incredibly
tacky name. Haha, I get chills everytime I lay eyes on it.
Too lazy to change things though !
I love to write, so have kept myself updating over the years.
I hope you guys enjoy reading me ! ♥
2:46 PM
Gosh. It's finally one of those rare days where I actually feel like writing something and am not working- and actually having the time.
You know, feelings usually make my stomach somewhat uncomfortable, and I don't usually write about it, but hey !
Like I said, it's one of those rare days.
As another birthday quickly approaches (this time feeling a little too sombre and swallowing, so much so that I'm actually a little afraid of it), I realize that it is no longer as cheerful or lighthearted as before.
Where another additional year used to mean liberty, and friends, and and- opportunities, it is simply now another push into this crazy unknown future.
Because, because, every day we let pass so thoughtlessly, is another day into dreaded adulthood.
Because, as I look at our slightly older acquaintances, and what they are making of their lives, I identify this feeling that grips my spine, as cold fear.
Because the decisions made now, does not seem any more mature or sensible than those at 15.
Because every time someone comments at my youth, realization hits at this particular age, that I know it's not here to stay.
Because as a child, you think of all the things you'll become, and how your life is going to play out.
And it is at this age, you realize with a start that your life is already playing out, and that you are living it everyday.
And you realize with another start- that's slightly more dampening,
that you are neither as upright nor as beautiful.
that you are neither as brilliant nor as cool, as the you as a child thought you would be.
Dampening.
The pride I feel which comes with my parents success, makes me realize that in very near future, it has to be theother way around.
And when that time comes, I fear that I may have nothing to show.
For every day I let past so very carelessly, their hair grey ever slightly more.
And on some days where their exhaustion shows, it wrenches, and I have to swallow.
And what worries me most, is that I do want to continue being careless, and free, and to go on taking things for granted- like they're meant to be.
I ignore problems, feign nonchalance.
Hoping they'll mend themselves. Or simply go away.
Someone should come say to me, you're doing everything wrong.
Because I still live thinking that I'm young. And we can salvage it later.
From lousy exam results, to even lousier decisions.
Salvation is now but an excuse we no longer have time to indulge in.
Because in the day, we laugh, and we laugh, like all's right in the world.
And at the end of everything, when finally alone, we frown and we ponder.
But that's it.
All we do is ponder.
Because we never talk about it do we.
Not of sickness or of false friendships.
Not of being close today and strangers another.
Nor of futures that skate on such thin ice.
Or of religions that casts vast shadows of doubt.
And to believe in something so doubtful, so wholeheartedly.
It has to be because, we're all only human.
Because change frightens, and is unfamiliar.
Because Time is such a thoughtless entity.
It takes so much away, and leaves so little to be desired.
Ahem ! Well, so sombre, I'm embarrassed by it. Who cares right?? Don't mind me.
It's perhaps just an attempt to try good literacy. And failing miserably.
Eh wait. My english so good ! How can I possibly fail. HAHAHA.
Ah. Lol.
I want change, but have no idea how to make it. Or where to start.
Or maybe it's because I still have zero idea of what exactly it is I want.
Haha ! And it's only 19 now. I don't even want to know how I'll be at 20.
I'll probably suffer mid-life crisis at 22, and be suicidal at 30.
Ha!
Oh oh oh oh OHHHHH !
On a lighter note, I cannot, cannot, CANNOT.
Wait for FUNNY PEOPLE. Hello???
The movie? With Adam Sandler?
It looks so insanely good, and yes, the funniest actors are in it.
Stellar stellar comedy cast.
Well, until next time. Enjoy your holidays poly people. While it lasts.
And for those not in poly or NOT having your holidays, well.
It's just too bad. Cause life's unfair. Ha !
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
0 Comments:
